And I’m there, I am a project in continual deconstruction as it is my only way of continuing to redo my self-portrait. But at times, I have the impression that I am relinquishing feelings that I do not deserve, of deserting the demon that I have at my fingertips that waits only for a keyboard, paper and a stage to invade the world. Then, I stop myself as I peer at the view through my periscope for, as pure as spleen may be, if it becomes a habit, I will only be one more reflex in the cogs of this machine that I nourish.
In short, if you keep on reconsidering, the time comes for the bill and pre-prepared answers. So, if you suffer a punishment you might as well suffer in silence, it’s because of this that I watch out for the fall of the sun and sleep to take dominion and emaciate me until I become a tormented soul that tosses away Bible, bile and passport in the face of restored order.
I fight the shadows from the light emanating from my laptop as best I can – murdering each minute – the silence around me becoming my salvation.
And little by little the glow of the machine is just a memory like any other. Once again I find myself in this place where no one can visit me, this ideal between tranquility and death where I return to life and my human form. Here and now, for few moments in the company of the love that I no longer give to the best people who follow the proverb to the letter to be sure to be the first to leave.
Text : Souklaye – Translation : Sophie Inge